The UnFulfilled Mama

I am about to hit 35 and normally I don’t care about my age but for some reason knowing I will be half way through my 30’s in a matter of weeks is freaking me out. I have found myself reflecting on everything I have done and more importantly not done in my life so far. Facebook keeps popping up memories of a pre-child Becci with her platinum blonde hair and a size 8 waist, out on the town or enjoying one of the many long haul holidays we used to take each year. Now replaced by trips to Haven and ‘staycations’ in the back garden.2017 will also mark my 10th year of marriage to Lee. Just the fact that we haven’t killed each other is a miracle, but after meeting at the age of 20 we have gone from raving all night to raving mad from lack of sleep. There are definitely times when I wonder how we got this far but I have no plans to add divorce to my list of things to do before 40.

The type of person I am means that I am never quite happy with what I have got and i am always looking for more. More knowledge, more experiences, more objects, more cake !!  If there is something to be had, I want it. This means I also struggle to relax and switch off. I often overwork myself to the point of burn out and this happened again to me recently. So after being forced to slow down and take a short blogging break, I had some time to mull over the last 34 years of my life and start making plans for the next. I have ticked off all the boxes of what I wanted for myself before I was 35. Marriage, kids, nice house, posh car, good career but there is definitely something missing. Turning 30 never bothered me as I still considered it to be young and being pregnant with Harry at the time, the disappointment of not being able to celebrate with a cocktail was out weighed by the excitement of having a baby.But 5 years down the line with no plans for more children(or a new husband) my feet are getting itchy and I am ready to start a new adventure. I am bursting with pride with what I have accomplished so far but I don’t feel truly fulfilled. I don’t have all the answers now and I am not sure what direction my adventure will take me but I know that if I don’t start making plans now I will be staring 40 in the eye with regret and a tired soul. As the famous quote say’s” The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step ”. I just need to decide whether my path to fulfilment requires taking a step back or sprinting on forward.

Are you on the path to fulfilment? Do you feel like time is running away with you?

Let me know in the comments below.

Becci

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12 Comments

  1. January 28, 2017 / 3:57 pm

    I just turned 35 and it felt like impendingg doomsday- way worse than 30.

    I dont know what it is about that stupid f**king number….

    • The UnNatural Mother
      January 28, 2017 / 3:59 pm

      The last 10 years have been all about setting a family up 35 onwards for me is the great unknown

  2. January 29, 2017 / 3:13 pm

    Oo I wonder what exciting plan you will come up with. I’m totally with you though as have similar feelings – I’m in my 40s so I better bloody hurry up. I think watching my teens flourish and excel I’m left feeling a little like it’s their time and not mine but I need to rapidly quit those feelings because they are not healthy! Looking forward to seeing what you come up with my lovely #fortheloveofBLOG

  3. January 30, 2017 / 8:59 am

    I really relate to this. I’m 33 and since babies have effectively put the kibosh on my career because I can’t do it part time, I’ve been reevaluating everything recently. It’s funny you should say about your 30th because I had a 3month old at mine so it was a similarly toned down affair! Boo! #postsfromtheheart

  4. January 30, 2017 / 2:58 pm

    I’m not sure how I felt about reaching 35, but my life changed completely when I hit 36! And I went on to have 3 babies in my 40s..eek food for thought!

  5. January 30, 2017 / 10:36 pm

    Same here. Thirty-six-year-old mother of one pre-teen daughter. I hope you do find something to make you feel more fulfilled. Sending good vibes to you from across the pond! #postsfromtheheart

  6. January 31, 2017 / 8:11 am

    I feel like time is running with me too, the years just seem to fly by. You’ve done loads and you should feel really proud of that. I hope that you continue to build on what you’ve achieved, there’s loads out there. Thanks for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

  7. January 31, 2017 / 9:24 am

    Becci as you know I am close to hitting 50 and all those thoughts going through your head are in mine. I have one teen about to flee the nest and another still very much needing me but there is always room somewhere for us all to do something more for ourselves and I really feel that now more than at any other time. Good luck on your journey, I will follow it with interest. #PostsFromTheHeart

  8. January 31, 2017 / 10:53 am

    I’m 36 now and have basically written off my 30s to pregnancy, breastfeeding and child rearing and I’m fine with that…my 40s will be my time to shine again! #postsfromtheheart

  9. January 31, 2017 / 8:16 pm

    For me it happened when my babies were no longer really babies, and didn’t have that all-consuming need of me anymore. That’s when I started having itchy feet and wondering what I’m going to do with my life. It turned out to be becoming a single parent, which wasn’t in the plans, but hey ho. For the rest I’m still trying to figure it out! You’ll get there!

  10. February 1, 2017 / 8:09 pm

    Very timely moment to read this post for me – I’m soon to turn 40 and haven’t quit come to terms with the idea! I feel like I’ve still got so much to improve on and am far from fulfilled. At least I have lots of goals to work towards! #fortheloveofblog

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